If the opposite of con is pro... is the opposite of constitution, prostitution?
I'm not saying your mom a whore! i'm saying your dad a dick.
We have enough selfies to fill up more than iphone's battery
I used to think air was free... until i bought a bag of chips.
How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? she can wear your wife's clothes.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? pick him up and suck his dick.
It's a bunch of hot water, so it's not really a no-brainer
What do you call a chinese gay man? a heung-u
Taliban pilots are so anal that they've got a video chat bot
Why was the octopus so angry? he was having a bae fight.
I wonder if the pope ever reads my tweets and decides to address them to his followers.
Why did the baker have brown hands? he needed to grease the *bread*
Why is 6 afraid of 7 7 afraid of 8 9 5 what does a clock do when it's bad
Opinion: America's Nuke Problem
What do you call an ebola patient in a coma? a prego
I'm a bit of a self deprecating comedian. i should say i'm not very good.